Gotta Catch Em All 12

Pokémon Go may have already overtaken Tinder and be creeping up on Twitter, but look up from catching that Dratini for just a second and pay attention! If you think finding a dead body during a stroll is bad, here are 12 Pokémon conspiracies that might just ruin your childhood – from mass genocide to possessed PokéBalls, the Pokémon fans sure have a warped mind when it comes to the cute pocket monsters. Whilst wepatiently await Pokémon Sun & Moon, here is a run down of some of the craziest theories to come out of the long grass in the past 20 years…tin foil hats at the ready!

 1. War Of The Worlds

Wow, there sure are a lot of children wandering around here, maybe it is because adults playing with anthropomorphic monsters is a bit weird, or maybe it is something all together more sinister! There is a theory that our heroes are left to potter around unsupervised because there simply aren’t enough adults around following a ‘Great War’. In fact, this one is so widely accepted, the theory has theories about the theory! It all comes from what Lt. Surge says to you way back when:

Hey kid! What do you think you’re doing here? You won’t live long in combat!
That’s for sure! I tell you what kid, electric Pokèmon saved me during the war!

Are Surge’s words just a coincidence? Well, let’s look at the facts. In the original games you play Red (you have no father), and your rival is an orphan. Most of the adults you meet are either very old, gym leaders, or have a military background. At this point, you realise there was the Great Kanto War, where the majority of adults were killed off! This would also explain the alarming amount of nurses and hospitals, plus why everyone is constantly battle-ready.

2. Bones

No, this isn’t a case for David Boreanaz, this is the rather grim tale ofCubone and its rather unusual headwear. When a mother Kangaskhan dies, the poor orphan is left to fend for itself. The orphan wears its mothers skull and becomes Cubone – when Cubone evolves into Marowak, the skull fuses with the head. Female (and only female) Marowaks can later evolve into Kangaskhans and the cycle starts again. The morbid theory hypothesises that as Pokémon is a kid’s game, this story was too much to take and so Kangaskhan was separated into its own form. You can go on to back up the theory with the fact that Kangaskhan relates to the word ‘kangaroo’ and Cubone knows the move ‘boomerang’…struth Sheila! There in a nine -minute video here for those who want to go into greater depth!

3. Koff It Up

Team Rocket’s Pokémon choices were never going to be the best of the bunch, but a big purple ballooon…really?!? Both Koffing/Weezing can only be found in the Pokémon Mansion – an abandoned lab from the original games, so what was T.R. up to in there? Reddit tells us that evil Team rocket were trying to recreate a ghost-type Pokémon by cloning their gaseous forms. Whatever they were cooking up in there, it looks like they ballsed it up, ending up with two gaseous fart bags instead of the intended ghost-type. Also, if you look at the skull and cross-bones on the Pokémon’s chests, it would suggest man-made. The symbol is the universal mark for toxic, so unless Koffing/Weezing have some pretty clever birth marks, it looks like someone made them this way

4. Million Dollar Bill

Think before you heal! Ever wonder how the Poké-Center will heal your Pokémon and let you go on your way without so much as a dime? Sure, we have Obamacare, but what pays to keep the lights running and the Nurse Joys joyful? You may just be a child, so you aren’t going to foot the bill, but someone has to! Enter mommy dearest. As you trot around having the adventure of your life, your mom waits at home as the bills pile up. Now not only a widow, but in over her head with hospital bills!

5. Ground Zero

Whilst Pokémon Go is currently getting itself into hot water for peoplecollecting at the 9/11 memorial, this isn’t first time the games have caused controversy at Ground Zero. If great wars and bankrupting your mother weren’t bad enough, how about a Poké-world where 9/11 still happened, thanks to the twisted theory sets the Black and white games in a post-9/11 aftermath. The theory is so controversial, Cracked did an article including it in ‘The 9 Most Offensive 9/11 References in Pop Culture’. Director Junichi Masuda even revealed that the Unova was based on New York City, but was the mistake intentional? You can clearly see Unova’s pond match up to Central Park, but what about that desolate wasteland in the middle…is this Ground Zero?